It was a strange church to her — never seen but
once before; and as she softly passed up the broad aisle, she
saw nothing in the building or the people around her that was
not strange — no familiar face, no familiar thing. But it was
a church, and she was alone, quite alone in the midst of that
crowd; and she went up to the empty pew and ensconced herself
in the far corner of it, with a curious feeling of quiet and
of being at home. She was no sooner seated, however, than,
leaning forward as much as possible to screen herself from
observation, bending her head upon her knees, she burst into
an agony of tears. It was a great relief to be able to weep
freely; at home she was afraid of being seen, or heard, or
questioned; now she was alone and free, and she poured out her
very heart in weeping, that she with difficulty kept from
being loud weeping.
"Oh, how could I say that! how could I say that! Oh, what
_would_ John have thought of me if he had heard it? Am I
beginning already to lose my truth? am I going backward
already? Oh, what shall I do! what will become of me if I do
not watch over myself; there is no one to help me or lead me
right — not a single one — all to lead me wrong! what will
become of me? But there is One who has promised to keep those
who follow him — he is sufficient, without any others. I have
not kept near enough to him! that is it; I have not remembered
nor loved him.
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