That is only a little matter. But what if
they were to want me to do something wrong? — they might; John
never did — I could not have disobeyed _him_, possibly! — but I
could them, if it was necessary — and if it is necessary, I
will! — I should have a dreadful time — I wonder if I could go
through with it. Oh yes, I could, if it was right; and
besides, I would rather bear anything in the world from them
than have John displeased with me — a great deal rather! But
perhaps after all they will not want anything wrong of me. I
wonder if this is really to be my home always, and if I shall
never get home again! — John will not leave me here! — But I
don't see how in the world he can help it, for my father and
my mother, and I myself — I know what he would tell me if he
was here, and I'll try to do it. God will take care of me if I
follow him: it is none of my business."
Simply and heartily commending her interests to his keeping,
Ellen tried to lay aside the care of herself. She went on
musing; how very different and how much greater her enjoyment
would have been that day if John had been with her! Mr.
Lindsay, to be sure, had answered her questions with abundant
kindness and sufficient ability; but his answers did not, as
those of her brother often did, skilfully draw her on from one
thing to another, till a train of thought was opened, which at
the setting out she never dreamed of; and along with the joy
of acquiring new knowledge, she had the pleasure of
discovering new fields of it to be explored, and the delight
of the felt exercise and enlargement of her own powers, which
were sure to be actively called into play.
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