The prize, it seems, fell at length upon a cobbler, Giles Gorgon by
name, who produced several new grins of his own invention, having
been used to cut faces for many years together over his last. At
the very first grin he cast every human feature out of his
countenance; at the second he became the face of spout; at the third
a baboon; at the fourth the head of a bass-viol; and at the fifth a
pair of nut-crackers. The whole assembly wondered at his
accomplishments, and bestowed the ring on him unanimously; but what
he esteemed more than all the rest, a country wench, whom he had
wooed in vain for above five years before, was so charmed with his
grins and the applauses which he received on all sides, that she
married him the week following, and to this day wears the prize upon
her finger, the cobbler having made use of it as his wedding ring.
This paper might perhaps seem very impertinent if it grew serious in
the conclusion. I would, nevertheless, leave it to the
consideration of those who are the patrons of this monstrous trial
of skill, whether or no they are not guilty, in some measure, of an
affront to their species in treating after this manner the "human
face divine," and turning that part of us, which has so great an
image impressed upon it, into the image of a monkey; whether the
raising such silly competitions among the ignorant, proposing prizes
for such useless accomplishments, filling the common people's heads
with such senseless ambitions, and inspiring them with such absurd
ideas of superiority and pre-eminence, has not in it something
immoral as well as ridiculous.
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