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Parker, Gilbert, 1860-1932

"Mrs. Falchion, Complete"

"
"Well," said I, at idle venture, "if not a hospital, what about a gaol?"
I felt the hand on my arm twitch slightly, and then her reply came.
"I said I hated everything that was wretched and wicked. You are either
dense, or purposely irritating."
"Well, then, a college?"
"A college? Yes, that sounds better. But I do not wish descriptions of
being 'gated,' or 'sent down,' or 'ploughed,' and that kind of
commonplace. I should prefer, unless your vanity leads you irresistibly
in that direction, something with mature life and amusement; or, at
least, life and incident, and good sport--if you do not dwell on the
horrors of killing."
On the instant there came to me the remembrance of Professor Valiant's
wife. I think it was not what she wanted; but I had a purpose, and I
began:
"Every one at St. Luke's admired and respected Professor Valiant's wife,
she was so frank and cordial and prettily downright. In our rooms we all
called her a good chap, and a dashed good chap when her husband happened
to be rustier than usual. He was our professor in science. It was the
general belief that he chose science for his life-work because it gave
unusual opportunities for torture.


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