I overhauled my whole life, beginning with the hour when I first got
drunk, as a boy, on board the Sterling, and underrunning every scrape I
have mentioned in this sketch of my life, with many of which I have not
spoken; and all with a fidelity and truth that satisfy me that man can
keep no log-book that is as accurate as his own conscience. I saw that I
had been my own worst enemy, and how many excellent opportunities of
getting ahead in the world, I had wantonly disregarded. Liquor lay at the
root of all my calamities and misconduct, enticing me into bad company,
undermining my health and strength, and blasting my hopes. I tried to
pray, but did not know how; and, it appeared to me, as if I were lost,
body and soul, without a hope of mercy.
My shipmates visited me by stealth, and I pointed out to them, as clearly
as in my power, the folly, as well as the wickedness, of our contemplated
mutiny. I told them we had come on board the ship voluntarily, and we had
no right to be judges in our own case; that we should have done a cruel
thing in deserting a ship at sea, with women and children on board; that
the Malays would probably have cut our throats, and the vessel herself
would have been very apt to be wrecked. Of all this mischief, we should
have been the fathers, and we had every reason to be grateful that our
project was defeated. The men listened attentively, and promised to
abandon every thought of executing the revolt.
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