As soon as his
back was turned, some of my companions began to applaud the spirit I had
shown, and the answer I had given the doctor. But I was not satisfied with
myself. I had more secret respect for such things than I was willing to
own, and conscience upbraided me for the manner in which I had slighted so
well-meaning a request. Suddenly telling those around me that my mind was
changed, and that I _would_ go below and hear what was said, I put this
new resolution in effect immediately.
I had no recollection of the text from which Mr. Miller preached; it is
possible I did not attend to it, at the moment it was given out; but,
during the whole discourse, I fancied the clergyman was addressing himself
particularly to me, and that his eyes were never off me. That he touched
my conscience I know, for the effect produced by this sermon, though not
uninterruptedly lasting, is remembered to the present hour. I made many
excellent resolutions, and secretly resolved to reform, and to lead a
better life. My thoughts were occupied the whole night with what I had
heard, and my conscience was keenly active.
The next morning I quitted the Retreat, and saw no more of Mr. Miller, at
that time; but I carried away with me many resolutions that would have
been very admirable, had they only been adhered to. How short-lived they
were, and how completely I was the slave of a vicious habit, will be seen,
when I confess that I landed in New York a good deal the worse for having
treated some militia-men who were in the steamer, to nearly a dozen
glasses of hot-stuff, in crossing the bay.
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