The great mistake I made was, in supposing I had undergone any
real change of heart. Circumstances disposed me to reflect, and reflection
brought me to be serious, on subjects that I had hitherto treated with
levity; but the grace of God was still, in a great degree, withheld from
me, leaving me a prey to such arguments as those of the steward, and his
great prophet and master, Mr. Paine.
In the hospital, and that, too, at a place like Pensacola there was little
opportunity for me to break out into my old excesses; though I found
liquor, on one or two occasions, even there, and got myself into some
disgrace in consequence. On the whole, however, the discipline, my
situation, and my own resolution, kept me tolerably correct. It is the
restraint of a ship that alone prevents sailors from dying much sooner
than they do; for it is certain no man could hold out long who passed
three or four months every year in the sort of indulgencies into which I
myself have often run, after returning from long voyages. This is one
advantage of the navy; two or three days of riotous living being all a
fellow _can_ very well get in a three years' cruise. Any man who has ever
been in a vessel of war, particularly in old times, can see the effect
produced by the system, and regular living of a ship. When the crew first
came on board, the men were listless, almost lifeless, with recent
dissipation; some suffering with the "horrors," perhaps; but a few weeks
of regular living would bring them all round; and, by the end of the
cruise, most of the people would come into port, and be paid off, with
renovated constitutions.
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