My reading in the bible, now, was not for the stories, but
seriously to improve my mind and morals.
I must have been several months getting to be more and more in earnest on
the subject of morality, if not of vital religion, when I formed an
acquaintance with a new steward, who had just joined the hospital. This
man was ready enough to converse with me about the bible, but he turned
out to be a Deist, Notwithstanding my own disposition to think more
seriously of my true situation, I had many misgivings on the subject of
the Saviour's being the Son of God. It seemed improbable to me, and I was
falling into the danger which is so apt to beset the new beginner--that of
self-sufficiency, and the substituting of human wisdom for faith. The
steward was not slow in discovering this; and he produced some of Tom
Paine's works, by way of strengthening me in the unbelief. I now read Tom
Paine, instead of the bible, and soon had practical evidence of the bad
effects of his miserable system. I soon got stern-way on me in morals;
began to drink, as before, though seldom intoxicated, and grew indifferent
to my bible and prayer-book, as well as careless of the future. I began to
think that the things of this world were to be enjoyed, and he was the
wisest who made the most of his time.
I must confess, also, that the bad examples which I saw set by men
professing to be Christians, had a strong tendency to disgust me with
religion.
Pages:
291
292
293
294
295
296
297
298
299
300
301
302
303
304
305
306
307
308
309
310
311
312
313
314
315